Radio Interviews and Jello

Why do you always smile when asked a question that makes you nervous and then refuse to answer the question?

Smiles, looks nervous, fails to answer question

Radio one had a phone in interview with the prime-minister. Apart from the obviously planted questions from party squars, it was quite fun. Totally information free, of course - lots of "Why did you do this?" "We didn't" "Yes you did" "Let's come back to that..." but what do you expect from politicians?

Will you ban foxhunting?

We have made our position on this quite clear [Ed. Note, this is a LIE -you'll soon learn to spot them, look for the politicians mouth moving]

You promised to ban it last time - why didn't you?

We had the promised vote on it. No - we DID make time. We voted yes, the lords voted no

Given that this was patently obviously going to happen, why didn't you work to push it through?

Um, er... Look! It's a flying pig {makes escape in mini attack submarine} [Ed. Note, this didn't actually happen]

I have an idea, let's vote to re-legalise badger baiting. And cock fighting. And all the other 'traditional recreation' of the 'farming community' that are also, handily 'pest control' and 'totally humane'

Or better yet - Legalise man hunting, with crossbows.

Give a fox a house members free vote, and he'll survive for a day. Give him a crossbow, and he'll survive for the rest of his life.

Please, give £2.43 (adjusted for inflation) a month, or whatever you can afford, to ease first world suffering - and give cute fluffy animals crossbows.

This campaign brought to you by the 'give foxes crossbows' society. The 'give foxes crossbows' society is an unregistered and quite possibly illegal charity. Thank you for your support.

Which rant do you wish to continue with? Left or right...

While we're on the subject of legalising things - cannabis. You know why it isn't an issue this election? The lobby group didn't make it to parliment, they turned up at the end of my road instead, and started asking the flowers if they would legalise prime-ministers for them. Actually, I'm conflicted on this subject - on the one paw, the more dopey and happy people there are, the better. Keep 'em tucked in and stupid. On the other paw, the stuff smells awful, and it's hard enough getting technical support already without doping people... You can just see it now can't you. "Did you type in your password? Is it plugged in? Is the TCP-IP stack froody? Have you got any munchies?" Compromise. Criminalise alcohol and tobacco, and legalise cannabis - but not in public places. (same as cigs are now, I guess) Ooops, now this side is too short :) Hell with it, let's just legalise all drugs. Anyone stupid enough to risk taking them deserves whatever they get. Of course, this ignores other problems, like their being addictive. How about someone inventing some 'addiction off' chemicals? You'd inject yourself with microbose or nanites or whatever that attack the substance as soon as it enters your body, so no matter what you do you can't get the hit. Take a dose of that, and then be safe from drugs - if you want to be.

You know, that prime minister is a fox. That trademarked nervous smile? It's actually a cynical smirk, as he enjoys the stupidity of the question, the questioner and the fact that he can refuse to answer the question and still run the country. Of course, he can't get away with showing that (not yet, though I think Britain will be the first country to fully embrace cynical leaders) so he converts it into that forced smile. But the eyes, the demonic hair - they give his secret away. Hmmm - this side of the page is too short, so I'd better make something up about the other party leaders. Hague is, in fact, the same person as Hislop - and deliberately writes self depreciating columns about himself in the private eye in order to pump his image. And the yellow leader (nice idea that, make your party logo neon so that your posters are easier to spot) who's he again? Ah well, personality cults are a bad thing anyway. So what's his party stand for now? If it's the same thing, doesn't that make their traditionally centre party far left now?

A big smokescreen being put up by politicians this election is that young people aren't going to vote. That somehow this is a terrible thing.

And, amusingly, they're blaming it on the mass media (which are, in fact, desperately running 'please vote' campaigns)

No you idiots. Young people are getting election jokes online, and not party message - because the party messages are all the same, all politicians are supernatural creatures (who hardly have our best interests at heart) - vampires and foxes mostly. People realise now that it doesn't matter a jot which party gets in, and they can do the maths about how little their vote counts. (Actually, most people do the maths wrong - there is a small chnace that your vote is worth a lot, and a large chance that it's worth asolutely nothing)

Sweetness and light time. Perghaps young people beleive that they are too ill informed to make a decision, and are trusting to their elders and betters to make the decision. Awww.. What a lovely victorian view. See how well behaved our {Race riots in oldham - with both whites and asians starting incidents} children are?

As always, complaints, questions, and no answers. Maybe in ten, fifteen years a new wave of interest will erupt. Maybe people will learn to live in a new cybre-environment with totally different rules and community involvement will be unrecogniseable, but high. {Quote from CNN yesterday 'real life is a place we have to visit occasionally to stay alive and pay the phone bill. Online is where we actually live'}

Or maybe it already doesn't matter a damn. Politicians have less and less real power every day. The systems they have spawned are corrupt, and hanging on to power for dear life in the face of new types of competition. No one actually beleilves that voting will change anything. No 'party' inspires. So why bother voting? As long as the basics (air, water, internet acces, food) remain cheap (and attainable through online activity) why the hell not retreat into virtuality?

Online - foxes and politicians alike, respawn.

And you can make jokes about demonic hair and baldness with impunity, since - although slander laws exist, they have become unenforceable in quantity.

Oh - I forgot to slander anne campbell - that cynical bear baiting dog fighting cynical lying bitch. You remmeber, she's the one who promised the majority of her constituents anything she could, and then voted against them, on the basis that the university population is transient anyway - and wouldn't be in the same constituency as her to vote against her in future. I wonder if she has ceased sucking at satans nipples yet?

Hang on, none of that is actually slanderous.

Fine. Anne campbell is a liar. She is a hypocrite. She is evil. {Getting warmer...} She is a transvestite (pre-op) Her car runs on the blood of innocents. Her house is heated by the burning of promises.