Seaslip
Edith's Diary
(15th Session): Index ; What the F*ck ; Body Count ; Who's playing Who ; What's been happening
8th January 2014:
Dead, five hundred men women and children dead, they didn't deserve it but they died anyway. Even after everything I seen, everything I've done, gods why did they have to die, why did I have to see it. Why?
And Spock, is he really that dragon? did he do it? did he murder all those people? I don't know, all I know is that the young intelligent man with the radio got his head torn off and we have a dragon following us around. Why do I make friends anymore? I should know better than that.
Camp was subdued that night, Marie had found a new toy with the dragon, getting it to breath a black cloud of something, I don't know what it was but I've never seen the like before and I've seen some pretty weird shit. Maybe it was just me, Spock, or at least the Spock I knew was dead, Bruce seemed to be taking it pretty badly too but I didn't want to bother him, if I keep using him like this then sooner or later something will happen and I can't take another Richard. Oh gods Richard why him?
I think the Koala has flipped, I thought I might have knocked some sense into him a few days ago but he killed for no reason back there. Sometimes I think maybe I should do something on my own about it but I swore I wouldn't do that again, there's not a lot I'm holding onto any more but not murdering is one of them.
9th January 2014:
I need armour, we went to town, the looks we get are strange, not altogether hostile but certainly strange, like we're the prize that everyone wants but no one wants to claim. Marie and Pixie went to find some information the Koala says he found, meanwhile armour, I got a kind of jacket with urban fatigues on, grey on grey, I decided against the ones with Riot on them, it looked too conspicuous, and in this place it might just be seen as an invitation. We found precious little medical supplies, the best I found was some seaweed that might help as a general antiseptic but that was it, cloth and thread were easy enough though, at least I can make myself useful again.
One thing struck me as we were leaving town, at the armour stall a Spaniel tried to exchange a set of knuckle blades for a helmet "to fend off bullets", who else has bullets in town?, we found a grand total of six for sale which either means someone's hoarding them or the spaniel was talking about us, I don't like it.
It seems Pixie actually managed to find someone useful in town, I'm not too sure about bringing her back with them but she seems harmless enough, a Bunny named Dawn, she has an interesting story to tell, we're moving towards something, as people die they become works and part of a greater consciousness, when a work kills something they become more powerful, absorbing the consciousness or power or mana or whatever the hell it is of something else. The work or human they killed becomes a stupid work, a mindless part of the system, but whatever killed them becomes more powerful, sooner or later there will be only a few clever works left, the last one alive becomes the dominant mind of the system, the mind of Gaia or whatever the hell it is, pretty fucked up Gaia.
We got attacked, or at least we were approached by a group of armed works and we opened fire on them, probably not the most sensible thing to do, they might have wanted anything, even help but we did it anyway. The dragon breathed smoke on the Panda that sold me the sword, I don't know what happened to him, I don't want to know, if the Bunny's right then the Dragon could be the one who killed five hundred people when he came back, maybe the Panda's in there too somewhere. I don't want to think about it.
We decamped, the works had fled but they weren't dead and they would bring more, we picked up the dish and left, not the most subtle of escapes but it worked. We escaped he dangerous works outside the party, shame about the psychotic Koala with Grenades.
I can't remember why the Koala pulled out a grenade and then pulled the pin out, I remember running like hell though, the dragon took off, Blue used the levitation belt and the cat took off too, the koala exploded, unfortunately, aside from a few singes this didn't seem to affect him much. Marie hit a tree while flying, silly girl. The Bunny followed me, I don't know why she followed me of all people but it let us talk on the way back. She committed suicide, drank a bottle of bleach, which explains her throat, why? if she killed herself she would come back smart, if the wolves down the road killed her she would have come back stupid. That seems like almost the first sensible thing that I've heard all week, and it scares the hell out of me.
I should probably have had someone hold down the koala when I threatened it by grabbing it by the balls, you would have thought he had the sense not to pull out another grenade while someone had hold of his testicles but no. I got slightly singed myself by that blast, idiot, I'd have hated to come back as a mindless fool on that things account.
10th January 2014:
Marie is being arsey over the patches I sewed onto her uniform, it was a complete state after the tigers, you would have thought she would be happy now I had patched it up, I even cut out flower shaped patches to cheer her up. I guess she's not my little girl, no matter how much I want her to be.
11th January 2014:
We haven't had a chance to refill the water canteens for a few days now, Bruce is getting annoyed at the Dragon for insisting we go the direct route, we have to back up on ourselves and waste a few days getting water again. He looks to me for solace, just someone to know that they care, I'm not sure I do anymore or if I ever did. Did I do anything but use him? a quick smile here, a slightly knowing glance there, the kind word once or twice and he did what I wanted, It seemed like a good idea at the time but I wrapped him around my finger and now he's starting to tug. The question is do I care enough about him to actually show him some affection, betray Richard, or at least the memory of Richard, and if I don't what kind of heartless bitch am I? And if I do, then what of Richard, does that mean I used him too? throwing away anything I had with him as soon as someone who could offer me shelter and comfort came along? But then, I never was a particularly nice person, not after Jack, maybe something more than he died that night.
12th January 2014:
Had another fight with the Koala, something stupid, don't remember what, came close to getting myself killed this time though, if Blue and Bruce hadn't pulled us apart one of us would probably be dead by now, the way things were going it would have been me. Bruce tried to comfort me, calm me down. We kissed, no fireworks or anything, just a gentle show of affection. Only there isn't any, not from me, he's falling in love and I'm letting him, I can't seem to stop myself from manipulating him like this, I don't want to but it's too easy just to give in and let him think what he wants, too easy to take advantage of it. The others will begin to notice soon, I don't want to be around when that happens.
13th January 2014:
I seem to be intent on Pissing off everyone this week, I had a fight with Marie over mothering her, I just can't seem to get the image of her as a substitute for Sahra and Eric out of my head, only she isn't. I'm clinging to images of the past because they're all I have, I'm hanging onto illusions that just don't exist anymore and it's starting to drag on others. Sometimes I wish I'd died in that fire too, or at least died with Richard. Why do I bother?
14th January 2014:
Bruce started to talk about love and happiness and families this morning. I need to end this. Fast.
15th January 2014:
Another group of works attacked today, amateurs, we killed three and the others won't be coming back soon. The bunny seemed shocked by it all, started to rant over how it was much better in the market. Frankly I don't give a fuck anymore.
16th January 2014:
I can't get that rat out of my mind, he threw himself at me, I remember thinking, why bother?, what is there to live for anymore?, the only thing that made me move the sword was the thought of coming back as a mindless thing like it. That's the only thing I have left anymore, the children are dead, Richard is dead, I don't have anybody left to care about and I'm slowly destroying the only decent people left in the world. The only thing that I care about is not becoming a mindless thing doomed to wander the Earth with half forgotten memories of who she once was, I'd rather die than let that happen, ironic, no?
Bruce and I kissed again tonight, it might have went further if the koala hadn't started a fight with Blue and Bruce had to go and sort things out, as soon as he was gone I threw up. Why am I doing this? What kind of soulless thing am I anymore? It's not as if I haven't been used myself before now so why am I doing it to someone else?
I've decided, no one will notice me wander off behind the bushes for a few minutes, by the time they realise I'll be dead, it comes down to a simple question Why?, Why not? It's for the best.
17th January 2014:
I'm a dingo. There are worse things to come back as I suppose, and I'm smart, or at least as smart as I was before, the koala tried to kill me for himself, I had to stab myself in the throat to get there first, I'm going to be living with a sore throat for the rest of my life, well, you know what I mean. Bruce took it hard, I didn't want to hurt him like that, I guess I was going to hurt him anyhow, this way hurts less. I thought at least the bunny might understand why I did what I did, she seemed the most angry, besides Bruce of course, I ended that one anyway. They seem to think I'm an idiot for doing what I did, maybe they're right, things make more sense now at least, no more worrying about Bruce, no more nightmares about coming back as a mindless thing, no more equivocating over death, whether I wield it or receive it I'm certainly closer to it now and as strange as that may seem it makes me glad.
Something weird happened today, well more weird, Spock suddenly jumped up and told the rabbit not to shoot, she wasn't even holding a gun, Spock claimed that she was holding Bruce's rifle. Bruce agreed is rifle had gone missing but the rabbit was not holding it. Things calmed down a little, weird.
18th January 2014:
Most of the group aren't talking to me still, frankly that's a good thing, I could use a few days without their inane blather, I need to sort some things out. They let me in on the plan though, It's decided that we can't keep the Koala around or he'll wind up killing us in our sleep. Killing it might be the most sensible option but some people are dead against it, instead Bitch will tell him we're about to and get him to run off. Hopefully that should ensure we don't see him again.
Plan worked, surprisingly. Good Riddance to bad rubbish.
19th January 2014:
Killed a small rabbit with my bare claws today, the others didn't see it and I cut the rabbit up fast so they didn't notice how it had been killed. Thing is, I enjoyed it, I enjoyed sneaking up behind and then pouncing on the thing rather than catching it in a snare, ripping it's throat out, not tying to slit it's throat with a knife carefully and painlessly but violently rending it's flesh. First bit of fun I've had for as long as I care to remember. I'm beginning to like this new body.
21st January 2014:
The others seem to be on speaking terms with me now at least, I'm not sure they understand why I did what I did they seem to have accepted it. Except maybe Bruce, I hurt him pretty badly, I just hope I ended it in time, he seems to have gone into a slump, taking the graveyard watch so he has the excuse that he's too tired to talk to people in the morning.
23rd January 2014:
That Bloody Koala! Bruce isn't moving, I don't know what the Koala did to him but I think it used poison. We should have killed it in the first place, not let it track us for days and then sneak into camp and murder us all in our sleep, it took out Bruce without anyone knowing. It woke up Blue who kept it subdued until the dragon and I cut it to shreds, I took out a lot of anger on that swing and it felt good, letting Dawnfire slice through its damm hide. I just hope Pixie hasn't left us any more little surprises, and I hope Bruce doesn't die, I'm the reason he was on watch, I'm not sure I could stop blaming myself if he dies.